I have had a breast augmentation consultation 5 times in the past 10 years. 5 times I sat at a doctors office and talked about how I wanted to fix what was ugly in my eyes. 5 times I was shown what surgery could do to my flat chest. 5 times I was in tears over my constant struggle to love myself as I was born. 5 times I walked out and vowed to never do this again.
Most of us have that one thing that we would like to change about ourselves physically. That one thing that would just make everything better. We would love ourselves more and finally have the body we dream of. We would no longer have self-love issues and everything would be better…maybe even perfect.
Sometimes when I am in bed with Martin and he is on his phone and doing anything but paying attention to me, I imagine how it would all be different if I had a more attractive body. Maybe his hands would find their way to my body more often, or maybe he would kiss me with the passion of our first kiss again.
It’s these thoughts that tear me apart the most.
This post is not about telling you to not get plastic surgery. Who knows, maybe in 1 year you will see me with large glorious breasts like my mother and I will have the biggest smile on my face and a story to boot. Or maybe in 1 year, you will see me topless on a beach and I will have a story about how I overcame the shame of my breasts and finally learned to love me as me.
I cannot read the future but I can tell you an honest story. I struggle with self-love every single day. I struggle with the mirror every single day. Most of the time I make it out with a smile, but other days I do not. We are only human and we are not robots or perfect. We are complex.
I hope you had the time to love yourself, even if just for a moment, today. I hope you can look in the mirror and say that you love at least one thing about yourself with a smile. I hope you can place the love of yourself in your own hands and not in the hands of anyone else.